After breaking up with our loved ones, we feel emptiness, loneliness, and despair. The only thing we dream about is to bring back the past and the happiness that this person had been giving to us. But do you need to hold on to past relationships and try to get back someone, who doesn’t want to be around anymore?
There are at least five objective reasons why you shouldn’t waste time trying to bring back what has already ended.
1) You had reasons to part ways
Your ex has decided to leave because she realized that the relationship was no longer working. She didn’t see any reason to be with you. This is a reasonable and respectful excuse for a breakup. Then why should you try to get back the person, who left at her own will? Instead of continuing to hold on to the feeling of grief and seek ways to ignite the spark of love again, direct all your thoughts and energy towards overcoming sorrow and anguish.
2) She hasn’t changed
Habits change, but personality traits don’t. No matter how much you want to believe that she’s turned from a terrible monster into a gentle creature, she hasn’t. But she could learn new, more delicate and unobvious ways to tell you that you’re an idiot.
But if she got used to blaming you for everything bad that happened in her life, she will keep doing it even after you start your relationship anew. However, this time, she’ll be using less offensive words.
3) Each of you now has personal past
If between the point A (a breakup) and a point B (the decision to try again), a decent amount of time has passed, there’s a great chance that your girlfriend had other relationships. Perhaps it seems unimportant to you now. After all, you weren’t a couple at that time.
But as soon as she says ‘I never stopped loving you,’ it will be difficult for you to get rid of the thought that her love for you hasn’t prevented her from having an affair with her colleague and sleeping with her classmate. And these guys (as well as those hot Ukrainian girls, who have been through your bed while you were single) will haunt you until you finally realize that it was a stupid idea to start the relationship over.
4) You’re still the same for her
The overwhelming majority of people are extremely reluctant to change their opinion on others. And no matter how hard you try to start everything from scratch, it’s hardly possible. Yes, at first, you’ll be enjoying sentimentality and nostalgia, keeping bad memories at bay. But the past with all its grievances and misunderstandings hasn’t gone anywhere. And it won’t allow you to be as carefree and naive as you were when you first met.
The best version of you is in the past. So, soon after the reunion, you’ll start having unpleasant flashbacks. And if the last time, it took your girlfriend a year to understand that you, for example, were a womanizer or freak (which could cause a breakup if you think about it), now, she’ll overcome the distance from ‘he’s the best’ to ‘he’s nobody’ in a few weeks.
5) You can’t overcome the differences between you
Imagine that you managed to get your ex back. How long can your relationship last? During the first two or three weeks, you’ll be busy trying to change yourself and get rid of what became the reason for a previous breakup. Of course, every relationship requires hard work and self-improvement. But there are fundamental habits and views which neither you nor your girlfriend can change if you both aren’t ready to share them. A new attempt to revive the relationship will lead to another disappointment and more pain.
Ending the relationship, don’t let the destructive emotions take over. Any experience is useful. Each unsuccessful relationship should help you explore yourself, find out your strengths and weaknesses, and understand what kind of person you really need.